Teddy Jokes (and other stuff)

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See what your mouse can make the teddies do!

http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier

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A Teddy Bear landed a job working on the roads.

The foreman told him to grab a pick and shovel, and start filling holes along the road.

After morning smoko a very upset Teddy went to see the foreman.

"What's the matter?" the foreman asked.

"Someone's taken my pick," said Teddy

"Oh, strike!" said the foreman, "I forgot to tell you". 

"Today's the day the Teddy Bears get their picks nicked".

Why do bears have fur coats?
They would look silly in a plastic anorak

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How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, Teddy, Go!

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What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear!

What's teddy's favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy!

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What is the best way to catch a teddy bear who breaks into your home?

A Bear-glar alarm!

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What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear faced lyre!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar!

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Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because his mother panda'd to his every whim!

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Why don't teddy bears eat?
Because they're always stuffed!

Little Teddy was not doing very well at maths at school, so his parents decided to enrol him at a new school, the local Catholic school.  After his first day home from school, Little Teddy walked straight up to his room, so he could continue to study his maths. After dinner Little Teddy quickly went straight back to his room, without watching any television, and he continued to study maths. 

His mother went to Little Teddy's room to see why he was working so hard, and she said to Little Teddy “You have been working very hard since starting at your new school Little Teddy, is there any reason”?

Little Teddy replied - "Well you see, today at school I saw a guy they had nailed to a big plus sign, and I knew they weren’t fooling around”

A man met a gorgeous woman in a bar and after talking for some time, they decided to leave together and go back to her place.  Inside her apartment the woman showed the man around, and when he looked into her bedroom, he noticed the bedroom was packed with teddy bears of differing sizes.  There were hundreds of small bears which were on a shelf around the floor, there almost as many medium sized bears on a shelf around the middle of the room, and there were a large quantity of very large bears around the room on the top shelf.

The man was very surprised at the extent of the collection of teddy bears the woman had in her bedroom, but he decided not to mention the bears to her.  After a night of passion, while the two are lying contemplating their night together in her bedroom, the man rolled towards the woman and asked her confidently "Well, how was it"?

The woman replied "You may select any prize from the bottom shelf!"

                                                                                                - Ouch!!

Teddies are better than men because

• Teddies are always there when you need them and they never make fun of you

• Teddies don't care how you spend your money

• Teddies don't get jealous

• Teddies never need a hot meal or their socks washed

• Teddies never get sick

• Teddies never borrow your car and forget to fill it with petrol

• Teddies are always young at heart

• Teddies like to go where you chose for holidays

• Teddies don't complain if the housework isn't done

• Teddies understand why you have a headache

• Teddies can hug you for a long time and are always soft to cuddle

• Teddies never smell

• Teddies love to snuggle all night

• Teddies are loyal to you when you are away

• Teddies sleep soundly and don't wriggle, snore or hog the doona or the bed

• Teddies don't mind if you wear long flannel nighties

• Teddies never have sharp toenails

• Teddies always keep secrets

• Teddies can make a long term commitment

• Teddies don't hide from your family

• Teddies get on well with all your relatives and friends

• Teddies like your pets

• Teddies never act weird in front of the neighbours

• Teddies never get into trouble

• Teddies don't make a mess or get dirty or flatulence

• Teddies don't squeeze the toothpaste from the top

• Teddies don't leave whiskers in the basin

• Teddies don't smoke or smell of tobacco

• Teddies know when it is best to stay quiet

• Teddies love unconditionally

Teddies are just grand.